There’s beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success…

It’s beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success…This has been one of the toughest blog post to write since starting this blog. Since my car accident 1 year ago today, I’ve gained 40 pounds, that’s half of the weight that I have lost since starting this journey. I feel shitty, defeated, and unmotivated. Additionally, I am uninspired to keep this blog going… There have been times where I have literally spent hours in front of my laptop with the Word open with great intentions to write a blog post and nothing comes out. I’ve sat in front of an empty word document so long that I know how many times the bar flashes a minute… 60 (Go Figure). I’ve cried in anger, frustration, and self-pity. Tantrums thrown, punched walls. Thoughts of abandoning this blog where I’ve been click away from shutting it down and going dark. However, there’s something in me that won’t let me press the button. I don’t quit things very easily, especially when it’s near and dear to my heart. I look at my life and I’ve been through worst things like being shot at, witnessing a murder, surviving a police raid, or mourning the suicide of my older brother. I’m not easily broken but it’s something about this situation that is frustrating the shit out of me…There’s beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success… You know there’s something about the previous sentence that is very resonating. Most of us including myself, go through these struggles and we only see the pain, the despair, the ugliness but we hardly ever see the beauty. There’s a silver lining in all of this, it just has to be. However, I cannot see it and it’s very frustrating not to see the brighter side of a negative situation… I see myself reverting back to the old me and I’m not liking it…So I’m asking for help… What inspires you? What gets you motivated? What do suggest that I do to turn this single ember into a raging ball of fire?