I think it’s time to be real with you all and when I mean “you all” I really mean myself. My blog posts have been irregular just like the other aspects in my life. Yes, I am busy with school but am I really sooo busy; that I can’t pause for a second to see how I am doing. I can’t pause for a second to get a run in. I can’t pause for a second to get my nutrition right. When the semester got tough why do the things I love the most fall to the way side first? I need to do better, I got to do better. F**k it I am going to do better. I am not going back to the way I that I was. I saw it and I don’t like it. For example I bought a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts for a fund-raiser at school. I tried by best to give them away to friends, classmates, whoever, but just I kept eating them. Finally it hit me in the middle of the day I have eaten 4 and gave 2 away. 4 Krispy Kreme’s!!! Yes and you know what? I didn’t get any satisfaction after I ate them.
When I put the doughnut in my mouth, damn it tasted good…What am I saying…They tasted great, but when I swallowed the doughnut I felt empty. It didn’t satisfy me but the taste great. So I ate another one …same thing and another one…same thing. I eating these doughnuts I am not getting satisfied. Well why do you keep eating them? Umm because they are Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and they taste great. That’s when it hit me! My body is changing and it’s not giving me satisfaction for eating them but my mind is still expecting to be satisfied and it didn’t happen. It left me confused…Why am I doing this to myself? I am not going to feeling satisfied after eating 6 or 16 doughnuts.
That’s when I told myself to be real with you all which really mean to be real with myself. I am not perfect….far from it. I struggle with sweets, cakes, cookies and etc. Consider it my drug of choice. I have tried to kick the habit cold turkey and I had a relapses. My problem is my thinking… I still believe sweets give me a reward. But I ate a half box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and all I felt was emptiness. Well why did you keep eating them? Because the taste of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts brings me to a special place; a place where I had no control of what I eat. A place where I got joy out of sweets; that place no longer exists but my mind doesn’t know that… BTW as I write this I can taste the Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. I’m just being real with you all so I can be real with myself. I still have a long journey ahead of me, I still need to take this journey one day at a time.
Until next time I’m 300 Pounds and Running!
