Random

“Pain is a part of being alive, and we need to learn that. Pain does not last forever, nor is it necessarily unbeatable, and we need to be taught that.” – Harold Kushner

I am in pain but I am not going to complain. My neck and shoulder has throbbed all night but I know it could be worse. I could be dead, laying in a hearse. Just like joy, pain is a part of our lives. It could be spiritual, physical, or emotional pain… This shit it all hurts the same. However, it is a part of life. A wise man once told me, there are things I can control and there are some that I can’t… This pain is something that I cannot control, does not matter what meds I take the pain still comes back. With that said, I can change my attitude, thoughts, behaviors and beliefs about the situation. I could continue to sit and wallow in my self-pity and complain about it until my little heart is content. Oh, the choice I have to make…

For too long I focused on the injury as if it defines me.  However, you and I both know it is not who I am nor what I believe in… I think it is time to look at this situation through a different lens and perspective… A good friend told me that I need to take this situation in spoonfuls… Some days it will be teaspoon, some days it will be tablespoon, and other days it may be one of those big black serving spoons … Either way take my spoonful of this situation, celebrate the good and keep it moving on the bad. Instead of focusing on the pain, celebrate the progress that I am making in physical therapy.  No matter how small the progress is. It will compound on top of each other resulting in big progress.

As I type this blog post, I can’t help but to notice the words, “NO STRUGGLE, NO PROGRESS,” tattooed on my right wrist. It is emblematic to what I learn growing up in Detroit… Which is that you had to go through the struggle, pain, and bullshit to make progress and find victory. I wear this tattoo proudly on my wrist as a reminder of the entire struggle that I been through and all the progress that I have made because of it. I know there others who going through the struggle, I want to you know that struggle is a part of life and without struggle we would not have the opportunity to prove our toughness, perseverance, determination, and drive to ourselves… Because once we have our minds made up, nothing can stop us. Therefore, I urge to take that spoonful of pain and struggle no matter how disgusting it taste and keep it moving…Focus all the good things that will come from this situation…

Until next time,

300 Pounds and Running

It’s beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success…This has been one of the toughest blog post to write since starting this blog. Since my car accident 1 year ago today, I’ve gained 40 pounds, that’s half of the weight that I have lost since starting this journey. I feel shitty, defeated, and unmotivated. Additionally, I am uninspired to keep this blog going… There have been times where I have literally spent hours in front of my laptop with the Word open with great intentions to write a blog post and nothing comes out. I’ve sat in front of an empty word document so long that I know how many times the bar flashes a minute… 60 (Go Figure). I’ve cried in anger, frustration, and self-pity. Tantrums thrown, punched walls. Thoughts of abandoning this blog where I’ve been click away from shutting it down and going dark. However, there’s something in me that won’t let me press the button. I don’t quit things very easily, especially when it’s near and dear to my heart. I look at my life and I’ve been through worst things like being shot at, witnessing a murder, surviving a police raid, or mourning the suicide of my older brother. I’m not easily broken but it’s something about this situation that is frustrating the shit out of me…There’s beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success… You know there’s something about the previous sentence that is very resonating. Most of us including myself, go through these struggles and we only see the pain, the despair, the ugliness but we hardly ever see the beauty. There’s a silver lining in all of this, it just has to be. However, I cannot see it and it’s very frustrating not to see the brighter side of a negative situation… I see myself reverting back to the old me and I’m not liking it…So I’m asking for help… What inspires you? What gets you motivated? What do suggest that I do to turn this single ember into a raging ball of fire?

Being injured sucks…

To be perfectly honest I’m feeling a little salty right now. As I sit here with my shoulder and neck throbbing, I pop two pain pills and a muscle relaxer. It so hard not to feel sorry for oneself when it’s been a year  since the first car crash in 2014 and 3 months since second car crash in 2014 and you’re still on the couch in pain. I’m trying to see the bright side of things… Trying to stay positive … Trying to keep things moving. However the pain reminds me that I’m not going anywhere fast and to be quite honest I don’t see a bright side of being in pain… Even though I don’t see a bright side, something in my heart says that it has to be a silver lining. Currently I don’t know what it is… The only thing that I can do now is continue to go to PT, continue to take these meds, and continue to have faith that it will get better…

Until next time…